Building a better relationship with yourself is less intimidating than it may seem. Learn a few healthy habits that promote positive self-esteem and strong life skills.
The way we treat and interact with ourselves shapes the way we view the world, how we function, and plays a huge role in promoting our body toward better health. Improved self-respect, self-love, and self-esteem can also help improve overall mental health and can play a role in reducing anxious and depressive thoughts, improving focus, and strengthening decision making skills. Beside mindfulness coaches, life coaches, mental health experts, career consultants, and the like tend to emphasize the need to be confident in ourselves. We’re constantly being told to treat ourselves better, to change our pattern of thinking. But how do we do it? It’s simple, we start small and work our way up.
Acknowledge negativity toward yourself
The most harmful thing to do is to ignore the negative feelings we have toward ourselves. The only way to eliminate negative thinking is to address it and then actively work to rephrase the thought. A simple task is to write down the negative thoughts you’re having and then rephrase it into a more positive way.
Ex. Negative thoughts like “I'm so bad at this, I should just quit" can be changed to "maybe this isn't for me, what other options do I have?" or "Hmm, maybe I could ask for help and get better at this" or even a simple "eh, it's not so bad. I just need more time to get things right."
Engage in self-care activities
Showing yourself love through actions is a fantastic way to start reframing your thoughts to be kinder and much more gentle to yourself. Self-care can be found in the most simple of things, such as meditation and taking a moment to breath. It can be as complex as going on vacation or checking into a spa. Self-care will be defined on who you are and what you need.
Remind yourself of the good in you
Constantly whisper to yourself things about you that you find enjoyable. Make sure the words leave your lips and you can hear the sound and feel the vibrations of your whispers.
Ex. “You did great out there.”; “Wow, did you see how well you handled that situation”, “Dang you look good right now”, “Haha, you’re funny”
Art and creation is one of the best gifts someone can give to themselves. You need not be an artist, singer, or chef but coming up with your own sketches, songs, or new menu items can bring a lot of fulfillment to yourself. With time, you will also learn how amazing the things you put into the world are, being creative is a solid representation of the beauty you put into the environment. It is also a solid representation that you are forever evolving.
You owe it to yourself to break out of your comfort zone! Do something that scares you, work toward your “least attainable” dreams, try a new look, talk to someone you’ve never talked to before. You learn a lot about yourself from new experiences. After pushing yourself to do something, you learn about your likes, dislikes, and that your “comfort zone” is fluid and ever-expanding.
Setting expectations for anything in life just creates additional stressors, more things for your mind to think about and hyper focus on. This works the same way regarding expectations you set for yourself. Sure, having self-monitored guidelines and standards for yourself in important and healthy, but having expectations for yourself is not. It’s ok to tell yourself that it is OK if something doesn’t go as according to plan. Don’t allow you to disappoint yourself, you’re much too precious for that!
Ex: “I won’t be successful unless I get this job at this super well known company” instead “It’s ok if I don’t get this job at this super well known company, as long as I get a job that makes me feel fulfilled.” “I need to be in a relationship within the next 6 months” “Being single is not bad at all, I get the privilege of learning about myself, and I’ll be ready when the right partner strolls into my life. Whenever that may be.”
Constantly ask yourself why you do the things that you do. Why do certain actions entertain you? Why do they irritate you? What do you realize about yourself through a day to day basis? Study yourself. Never stop learning about yourself! Never stop giving yourself the attention that you deserve.
Prove to yourself that you can Flip the Script by taking this Anupanas 21 day challenge. Print it out, tape it to your mirror or desk and make time for each activity - they're quick and easy to do. This challenge is also fun for the whole family! Click the PDF link below to get started:
If any of these exercises make you uncomfortable but you would still like to improve the relationship you have with yourself, then consider scheduling an appointment with a mindfulness coach. Your coach will be by your side and ease you along the process.